Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The hidden code of politics
For those who like cheap shots as part of their daily political mix the Daily Telegraph aims not to disappoint. In the interests of plagarism I offer you their entire litany, an alternative view on Gordon Brown's speech to the Labour Party Conference yesterday:
“I am proud to be a husband.” It’s not only Tony Blair who can do the emotional stuff.
“I didn’t come into politics to be a celebrity or thinking I’d always be popular.” I left that to Tony Blair who was more at home in the company of pop stars than Labour Party activists.
“So I’m not going to try to be something I’m not. If people say I’m too serious, quite honestly, there is a lot to be serious about.” I know you all think I’m a weirdo, and I try to show a more human face, but I’m simply no good at it.
“Some people have been asking why I haven’t served my children up full spreads in the paper. My answer is simple. My children aren’t props. They are people.” Unlike David Cameron who is absolutely shameless at wheeling his children out for every possible photo opportunity. And did you notice all the toys which were conveniently on show in David Miliband’s magazine interview the other day?
“The British people would not forgive us if at this time we looked inwards to the affairs of just our party when our duty is to the interests of the country.” Don’t even consider a leadership contest while the financial markets are in turmoil.
“I’m all in favour of apprenticeships, but let me tell you, this is no time for novices.” You can’t still be contemplating David Miliband as my replacement after that awful speech when he fluffed his Heseltine moment. Are you really going to ditch a Labour Government led by me, the longest serving Chancellor since records began to allow baby-faced George Osborne to move into Number 11 Downing Street.
“What counts is not the pursuit of sectional interests but the advancement of the public interest.” So get back in your box all you trade union leaders like Tony Woodley. You might be paying for the Labour Party but I’m running the country.
“And I promise you I will work with other countries to bring a permanent settlement - a secure Israel and a viable Palestine - to deliver peace for the people of the Middle East.”
“When I talk to parents about schools I’m determined that every child should have a good school, because while I got my break in a great local secondary, not all my friends got the chance to get on.” The Shadow Cabinet has not had so many old Etonians for 40 years.
“Understand that all the attacks, all the polls, all the headlines, all the criticism, it’s worth it if, in doing this job, I make life better for one child, one family, one community.” I’m not going anywhere. And if you do try and get rid of me I won’t go down without a fight.
“What happened with 10p stunned me because it really hurt that suddenly people felt I wasn’t on the side of people on middle and modest incomes.” This is the closest I’m coming to an apology for screwing up over the abolition of the 10p tax rate.
“I am proud to be a husband.” It’s not only Tony Blair who can do the emotional stuff.
“I didn’t come into politics to be a celebrity or thinking I’d always be popular.” I left that to Tony Blair who was more at home in the company of pop stars than Labour Party activists.
“So I’m not going to try to be something I’m not. If people say I’m too serious, quite honestly, there is a lot to be serious about.” I know you all think I’m a weirdo, and I try to show a more human face, but I’m simply no good at it.
“Some people have been asking why I haven’t served my children up full spreads in the paper. My answer is simple. My children aren’t props. They are people.” Unlike David Cameron who is absolutely shameless at wheeling his children out for every possible photo opportunity. And did you notice all the toys which were conveniently on show in David Miliband’s magazine interview the other day?
“The British people would not forgive us if at this time we looked inwards to the affairs of just our party when our duty is to the interests of the country.” Don’t even consider a leadership contest while the financial markets are in turmoil.
“I’m all in favour of apprenticeships, but let me tell you, this is no time for novices.” You can’t still be contemplating David Miliband as my replacement after that awful speech when he fluffed his Heseltine moment. Are you really going to ditch a Labour Government led by me, the longest serving Chancellor since records began to allow baby-faced George Osborne to move into Number 11 Downing Street.
“What counts is not the pursuit of sectional interests but the advancement of the public interest.” So get back in your box all you trade union leaders like Tony Woodley. You might be paying for the Labour Party but I’m running the country.
“And I promise you I will work with other countries to bring a permanent settlement - a secure Israel and a viable Palestine - to deliver peace for the people of the Middle East.”
“When I talk to parents about schools I’m determined that every child should have a good school, because while I got my break in a great local secondary, not all my friends got the chance to get on.” The Shadow Cabinet has not had so many old Etonians for 40 years.
“Understand that all the attacks, all the polls, all the headlines, all the criticism, it’s worth it if, in doing this job, I make life better for one child, one family, one community.” I’m not going anywhere. And if you do try and get rid of me I won’t go down without a fight.
“What happened with 10p stunned me because it really hurt that suddenly people felt I wasn’t on the side of people on middle and modest incomes.” This is the closest I’m coming to an apology for screwing up over the abolition of the 10p tax rate.
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Every time Gordon Brown's problems take another turn for the worse, i'm sure he must take a moment to think about how Tony Blair would have dealt with it.
And the answer is always the same. Walk away before the solids hit the air con and leave someone else to cop the blame ...
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And the answer is always the same. Walk away before the solids hit the air con and leave someone else to cop the blame ...
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